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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Peace
Palestinian
Idea
Houses
House
East
Back
Build
Ideas
Line
Even
Lines
People
Middle
Poor
Palestinians
More quotes by Frank Carson
Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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