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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
People
Northern
Ireland
Heads
Ridiculous
Vote
Church

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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
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An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were invited to a Christmas party. The Englishman brought a bag of tinsel, the Scotsman brought a bag of holly and they asked the Irishman: What have you brought? He said: I brought a pair of knickers. They asked: What has that got to do with Christmas? He said They're Carol's.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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Men only go for skinny women because they're too weak to argue - and salads are cheap.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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