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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson
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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Senators
Million
Members
Millions
America
People
More quotes by Frank Carson
Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
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My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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My wife went into the butchers and said: You've a sheep's head in your window. The butcher said: That's a mirror.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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