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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Racist
Jokes
Usually
Irish

More quotes by Frank Carson

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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
Frank Carson
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
Frank Carson
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
Frank Carson
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
Frank Carson
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
Frank Carson
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
Frank Carson
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My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.
Frank Carson
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
Frank Carson
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
Frank Carson
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
Frank Carson