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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Irish
Racist
Jokes
Usually

More quotes by Frank Carson

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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Frank Carson
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
Frank Carson
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
Frank Carson
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Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?
Frank Carson
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
Frank Carson
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I just want to apologise for being late. I was flying back from Spain and the air hostess said: We are two hours late Mr Carson. When I asked why, she said: The pilot has heard a funny noise in the engine that he doesn't like, so we are waiting on another pilot who can't hear it.
Frank Carson
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
Frank Carson
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
Frank Carson
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
Frank Carson
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
Frank Carson
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
Frank Carson
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
Frank Carson
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
Frank Carson
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
Frank Carson
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I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: It takes four hours. I asked why and he said: It keeps turning off the gas.
Frank Carson
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
Frank Carson
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
Frank Carson
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
Frank Carson
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
Frank Carson