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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Thinking
Likes
Wrote
Marriage
Wife
Inspirational
Heart
Ambulance
Much
Wedding
Think
Attack

More quotes by Frank Carson

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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.
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I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside made around the corner.
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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
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There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.
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What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: Have you a good memory for faces? I asked why and she said: Because there isn't a mirror up there.
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
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Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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My idea for peace in the Middle East is to go back to the 1966 line, but to build even more houses for the Palestinians, who are a poor people.
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
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I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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