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I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

Frank Carson

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Frank Carson
Age: 85 †
Born: 1926
Born: June 11
Died: 2012
Died: February 22
Comedian
Stand-Up Comedian
Belfast
Ireland
Hugh Francis Carson
Inspirational
Heart
Ambulance
Much
Wedding
Think
Attack
Thinking
Likes
Wrote
Marriage
Wife

More quotes by Frank Carson

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Someone threw a petrol bomb at Alex Higgins once and he drank it!
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I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.
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People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads it is ridiculous.
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A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.
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America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.
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I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.
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Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?
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I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.
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A man walks into a pet shop and says: Give me a wasp. The shopkeeper replies: We don't sell wasps. He says: There's one in the window.
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This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
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A man says to his mate: My wife is a twin. His mate says, How do you tell them apart? The man says: Her brother has a beard.
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There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: You can't eat your own food in here. So they swapped sandwiches.
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I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.
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Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.
Frank Carson
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I said to the waitress, There's a fly swimming in my soup. She said: You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle.
Frank Carson
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Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: Have a drink on me. The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.
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I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.
Frank Carson
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The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.
Frank Carson
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A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. Oh dear, she says, Not the breathalyser again.
Frank Carson
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Two Irishmen were passing a pub - well, it could happen.
Frank Carson