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I wish that real estate were cheaper and clothes were more expensive.

Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Estate
Cheaper
Expensive
Clothes
Wish
Real

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Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.
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I never would start writing before midnight and I would finish at, like, seven in the morning.
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When it comes to sports I am not particularly interested. Generally speaking, I look upon them as dangerous and tiring activities performed by people with whom I share nothing except the right to trial by jury.
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People care more about trends now than they do about style. They get so wrapped up in what's happening that they forget how to dress, and they never learn who they are because they never learn how to take care of anything.
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
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I don't like the kind of country living where you have to help. I like country living where there is help.
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I hate, simply, to work. I just hate to work, period. I am profoundly slothful. Practically inert.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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I hate writing. I will do anything to avoid it. The only way I could write less was if I was dead.
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Without these tourists, New York would be fantastic. I don't want them to come. Stay home!
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Life was certainly more entertaining when people were indulging their vices as opposed to going to meetings to indulge in a new vice: discussing their innermost thoughts in public.
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I'm very lazy, I hate to work.
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We live in a culture where everyone is perfectly willing to do this [to make a lot of money], and they're just looking for the opportunity. Obviously, a person who is really dumb is not gonna make a zillion dollars. But for a person who is really smart, really smart, it's a boring pursuit. It's not endlessly fascinating.
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I don't like to read nonfiction. To me, fact is something I can look up.
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A woman's quest in life should be to find the perfect apartment. And I have found the perfect apartment. The perfect apartment is the first floor of the Metropolitan Museum. With a sofa.
Fran Lebowitz
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London: A place you go to get bronchitis.
Fran Lebowitz
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
Fran Lebowitz
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I do not think everyone is created equal. In fact, I know they're not. [The Constitution] means that everyone should have the same laws as everyone else. It doesn't mean that everyone's as smart or as cute or as lucky as everyone else.
Fran Lebowitz
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Everything in Japan is hidden. Real life has an unlisted phone number.
Fran Lebowitz
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Food is definitely important part of your balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz