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I wish that real estate were cheaper and clothes were more expensive.

Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 73
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Cheaper
Expensive
Clothes
Wish
Real
Estate

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It's much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It's harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears.
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If you're going to America, bring your own food.
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Everything in Japan is hidden. Real life has an unlisted phone number.
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To me, O'Hara is the real Fitzgerald.
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I never would start writing before midnight and I would finish at, like, seven in the morning.
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Did it ever occur to anyone that if you put nice libraries in public schools you wouldn't have to put them in prisons?
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn't make up yourself - a wise move at any age, but most especially at seventeen, when you are in the greatest danger of coming to annoying conclusions.
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There's nothing like being old to be sure of everything.
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There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn.
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I hate, simply, to work. I just hate to work, period. I am profoundly slothful. Practically inert.
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When I'm supposed to be writing I clean my apartment, take my clothes to the laundry, get organized, make lists, do the dishes. I would never do a dish unless I had to write.
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I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word 'don' and it's not someone's first name, I close the book.
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Forcing people into a situation where they're supposed to adore each other is probably bad. But letting people get on and off the 6 train without stabbing each other, that's good.
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While clothes with pictures and/or writing on them are not entirely an invention of the modern age, they are an unpleasant indication of the general state of things. ... I mean, be realistic. If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?
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Cheese that is required by law to append the word food to its title does not go well with red wine or fruit.
Fran Lebowitz
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Middle class was defined by having certain values and only a certain amount of money. But this new middle class seems to have absolutely no values and an unlimited amount of money.
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No one earns $100 million. You steal $100 million.
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Will power is not telling anybody you quit smoking.
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All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
Fran Lebowitz