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I'm a horrible girlfriend. I always was. I'm great at the beginning, because I can be very romantic.

Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Always
Girlfriend
Romantic
Horrible
Beginning
Great

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I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.
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I woke up at five o'clock in the morning with the whole first paragraph in my head. Now, this just shows what a slothful person I am: I tried to go back to sleep.
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Writing pornography is deadly, nothing duller. I mean a toll-taker has a more exciting life than a pornographer.
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Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
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Television turned out to be exactly as bad as the most irritating and pedantic intellectuals of the '50s said it was going to be.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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It is, in fact, safe to assume that, more often than not, life imitates craft, for who among us can say that our experience does not more closely resemble a macramé plant holder than it does a painting by Seurat. When it comes to art, life is the biggest copycat in the matter of the frame.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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People who are well-known, famous people, I think, make very poor characters for fiction. They make good characters for gossip columns. But not for fiction.
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No one I knew talked about money. It's not an area of interest.
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I'm not a nervous person. I'm not afraid to be on TV. I'm only afraid when I write. When I'm at my desk I feel like most people would feel if they went on TV.
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When I fly, I'm never afraid the plane is going to crash. But there have often been times when I was afraid it wouldn't crash. I was just afraid it was going to circle O'Hare for the rest of my life.
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When I was very little, say five or six, I became aware of the fact that people wrote books. Before that, I thought that God wrote books. I thought a book was a manifestation of nature, like a tree.
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In New York we have zillions of different kinds of people, many of them hate each other, but violence based on that hatred is really uncommon here.
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The main symptom of falling in love is that you lose your intellectual prowess.
Fran Lebowitz
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I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word 'don' and it's not someone's first name, I close the book.
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When Toni Morrison said 'write the book you want to read,' she didn't mean everybody.
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I just write when fear overtakes me.
Fran Lebowitz