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Without these tourists, New York would be fantastic. I don't want them to come. Stay home!
Fran Lebowitz
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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Tourists
Fantastic
York
Stay
Home
Come
Without
Would
More quotes by Fran Lebowitz
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
Fran Lebowitz
If you're going to America, bring your own food.
Fran Lebowitz
I stopped taking drugs when I was 19, and who wants to drive a cab around New York with drugs in their car?
Fran Lebowitz
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
Fran Lebowitz
Writing pornography is deadly, nothing duller. I mean a toll-taker has a more exciting life than a pornographer.
Fran Lebowitz
Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
Fran Lebowitz
I hate, simply, to work. I just hate to work, period. I am profoundly slothful. Practically inert.
Fran Lebowitz
What I can't be is monogamous. That tends to upset people. I just don't like domestic life.
Fran Lebowitz
Anti-smoking sentiment has replaced middle-class morality entirely. The smoker has taken the place of the homosexual. Today you hear people say things about smokers that used to be said about homosexuals - they pollute the environment you don't want them around your children.
Fran Lebowitz
Now people need special costumes to ride bicycles. I mean, a helmet, what, are you an astronaut??
Fran Lebowitz
All style is personal - that's what distinguishes it from fashion.
Fran Lebowitz
We live in a culture where everyone is perfectly willing to do this [to make a lot of money], and they're just looking for the opportunity. Obviously, a person who is really dumb is not gonna make a zillion dollars. But for a person who is really smart, really smart, it's a boring pursuit. It's not endlessly fascinating.
Fran Lebowitz
It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensive domestic cigars.
Fran Lebowitz
It would also have been helpful to have gone to a Catholic grammar school. The only people who know grammar are those people who went to Catholic grammar school. Those nuns beat it into them.
Fran Lebowitz
I have friends, some of whom are spectacularly good writers, who really want someone to edit them. I don't register that impulse. It's like the impulse for wanting a dog.
Fran Lebowitz
I have a hard time writing. Most writers have a hard time writing. I have a harder time than most because I'm lazier than most. I don't want to brag, but I'm the laziest person I have ever known.
Fran Lebowitz
In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
Fran Lebowitz
I never would start writing before midnight and I would finish at, like, seven in the morning.
Fran Lebowitz
A great many people in Los Angeles are on special diets that restrict their intake of synthetic foods. The reason for this appears to be a widely held belief that organically grown fruits and vegetables make the cocaine work faster.
Fran Lebowitz
The great thing about New Jersey is that it's close to New York.
Fran Lebowitz
