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A woman's quest in life should be to find the perfect apartment. And I have found the perfect apartment. The perfect apartment is the first floor of the Metropolitan Museum. With a sofa.

Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Perfect
Sofas
Woman
Museum
Found
Quests
Find
Quest
Firsts
Museums
First
Apartment
Life
Floor
Metropolitan
Modern
Sofa

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When someone asks, 'Why do you think he's not calling me?' there's always one answer - 'He's not interested.' There's not ever any other answer.
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Tourism as a number-one industry is a terrible, terrible idea for any city, especially New York. If you were going to turn a city, which is a place where people live, into a tourist attraction, you're going to have to make it a place that people who don't live here, like. So I object to living in a place for people who don't live here.
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Any artist who has that quality of timelessness has that quality because they tell the truth.
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You can be nasty when you are young, but you really have to be older to achieve bitterness.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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It's very important when making a friend to check and see if they have a private plane. People think a good personality trait in a friend is kindness or a sense of humor. No, in a friend a good personality trait is a Gulfstream.
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I never had a typewriter. I never had any machines.
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Whenever I am doing anything else, which is most of the time, even if it is not something like robbing a bank, I feel felonious. Writing is what I'm supposed to be doing.
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It is, in fact, safe to assume that, more often than not, life imitates craft, for who among us can say that our experience does not more closely resemble a macramé plant holder than it does a painting by Seurat. When it comes to art, life is the biggest copycat in the matter of the frame.
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My dream writing room would be the Imperial Library in Vienna.
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Democracy is an interesting, even laudable, notion and there is no question but that when compared to Communism, which is too dull, or Fascism, which is too exciting, it emerges as the most palatable form of government.
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Frenchman: Germans with good food.
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To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.
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New York was always more expensive than the other places, even when it was going bankrupt. In other words, in 1971, New York was expensive for someone with no money. For anyone.
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I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word 'don' and it's not someone's first name, I close the book.
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Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word collectible as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success.
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The main symptom of falling in love is that you lose your intellectual prowess.
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Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
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If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one.
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