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A woman's quest in life should be to find the perfect apartment. And I have found the perfect apartment. The perfect apartment is the first floor of the Metropolitan Museum. With a sofa.

Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Perfect
Sofas
Woman
Museum
Found
Quests
Find
Quest
Firsts
Museums
First
Apartment
Life
Floor
Metropolitan
Modern
Sofa

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Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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If there were, say, only 10 percent of the hotels that exist now, there would be all these apartments for people who live in New York, as opposed to people visiting New York. And then all this junk in the theater, we would no longer need the kind of stuff that tourists like.
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I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.
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Will power is not telling anybody you quit smoking.
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[On not reading newspapers:] If something important happens, your mother calls you.
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When we were young, we knew things. We knew basic history, even as it related to fashion. Now, when something reappears, an 18 year old has no clue that it's a revival. Despite the fact that they're almost always online they don't get references. I think that's part of why visual things are becoming so derivative.
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It is not true that there is dignity in all work. Some jobs are definitely better than others.
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If there had been a job of being a reader, I would have taken that, because I love to read and I don't love to write. That would be blissful.
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It would also have been helpful to have gone to a Catholic grammar school. The only people who know grammar are those people who went to Catholic grammar school. Those nuns beat it into them.
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Writing pornography is deadly, nothing duller. I mean a toll-taker has a more exciting life than a pornographer.
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People who are well-known, famous people, I think, make very poor characters for fiction. They make good characters for gossip columns. But not for fiction.
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Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
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I never wanted to have any extra money, if it meant having to have any extra work.
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What people don't know is: Clothes don't really fit you unless they're made for you. Especially when you wear men's clothes, like I do. American women think that clothes fit them if they can fit into them. But that's not at all what fit means.
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If you're going to America, bring your own food.
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The thing you love right away, don't do it, because that's the very thing that's going to be your addiction for the rest of your life.
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I have the exact opposite problem of every writer I've ever met: Every writer I've ever met writes things that are too long, and they have to edit them down.
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The first people who died of AIDS were artists. They were the most interesting people.
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The truth is that most families have no smart ones and no pretty ones. Most families are a bunch of unattractive dopes. And it turns out that the Bush family, like most families, has no smart ones. I was not surprised to see this.
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