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A dog who thinks he is a man's best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer.
Fran Lebowitz
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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Mets
Dog
Taxes
Friend
Best
Lawyer
Never
Obviously
Men
Thinking
Thinks
More quotes by Fran Lebowitz
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
Fran Lebowitz
I think one manifestation of integrity is holding a grudge. Saying no is a little different. Holding a grudge is the modern equivalent of having standards.
Fran Lebowitz
I drove a cab. But all the girls I knew when I was young who had to work - there were rich girls - but the ones who had to work were waitresses. Because you could always get shifts in a restaurant.
Fran Lebowitz
The French probably invented the very notion of discretion. It's not that they feel that what you don't know won't hurt you they feel that what you don't know won't hurt them. To the French lying is simply talking.
Fran Lebowitz
I woke up at five o'clock in the morning with the whole first paragraph in my head. Now, this just shows what a slothful person I am: I tried to go back to sleep.
Fran Lebowitz
I never wanted to have any extra money, if it meant having to have any extra work.
Fran Lebowitz
Food is definitely important part of your balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz
Tourism as a number-one industry is a terrible, terrible idea for any city, especially New York. If you were going to turn a city, which is a place where people live, into a tourist attraction, you're going to have to make it a place that people who don't live here, like. So I object to living in a place for people who don't live here.
Fran Lebowitz
It would also have been helpful to have gone to a Catholic grammar school. The only people who know grammar are those people who went to Catholic grammar school. Those nuns beat it into them.
Fran Lebowitz
Frenchman: Germans with good food.
Fran Lebowitz
I had to go on TV with the president of the Catholic League, which is not an official organization at all, just a lot of Catholics, or maybe it's just this guy. He demanded to de-fund art completely and argued that taxpayers should not pay for it. I said people who represent the Catholic Church shouldn't talk about taxes.
Fran Lebowitz
Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
Fran Lebowitz
When Toni Morrison said 'write the book you want to read,' she didn't mean everybody.
Fran Lebowitz
The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
Fran Lebowitz
When it comes to sports I am not particularly interested. Generally speaking, I look upon them as dangerous and tiring activities performed by people with whom I share nothing except the right to trial by jury.
Fran Lebowitz
I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word 'don' and it's not someone's first name, I close the book.
Fran Lebowitz
Everything in Japan is hidden. Real life has an unlisted phone number.
Fran Lebowitz
Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
Fran Lebowitz
If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influence from what is generally regarded as American culture, you would pretty much be left with Let's Make a Deal.
Fran Lebowitz
This idea that people have to love and understand each other is absurd. It's not human nature.
Fran Lebowitz
