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London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Place
Bronchitis
London
Cities

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I woke up at five o'clock in the morning with the whole first paragraph in my head. Now, this just shows what a slothful person I am: I tried to go back to sleep.
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[On not reading newspapers:] If something important happens, your mother calls you.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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When I was very little, say five or six, I became aware of the fact that people wrote books. Before that, I thought that God wrote books. I thought a book was a manifestation of nature, like a tree.
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I always make a big effort to make a distinction between what is actually worse or what is just worse about not being 21. Of course, it's much worse not to be 21. This is a given. But there are things that are worse.
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I wish that real estate were cheaper and clothes were more expensive.
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I'm a horrible girlfriend. I always was. I'm great at the beginning, because I can be very romantic.
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I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.
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Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word collectible as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success.
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The second I learned to read in first grade, when I was 5, I preferred it to life. And I still do.
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The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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When I fly, I'm never afraid the plane is going to crash. But there have often been times when I was afraid it wouldn't crash. I was just afraid it was going to circle O'Hare for the rest of my life.
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Life was certainly more entertaining when people were indulging their vices as opposed to going to meetings to indulge in a new vice: discussing their innermost thoughts in public.
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I love being in love. I don't think anything compares with it, though I consider it very disruptive.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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If people don't hold grudges, it means they just don't care what people do.
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Will power is not telling anybody you quit smoking.
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Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
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Now people need special costumes to ride bicycles. I mean, a helmet, what, are you an astronaut??
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If you're going to America, bring your own food.
Fran Lebowitz