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I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use.

Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Safe
Sleep
Use
Love
Pleasant

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I stopped taking drugs when I was 19, and who wants to drive a cab around New York with drugs in their car?
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I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.
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The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
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New York was always more expensive than the other places, even when it was going bankrupt. In other words, in 1971, New York was expensive for someone with no money. For anyone.
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I had to go on TV with the president of the Catholic League, which is not an official organization at all, just a lot of Catholics, or maybe it's just this guy. He demanded to de-fund art completely and argued that taxpayers should not pay for it. I said people who represent the Catholic Church shouldn't talk about taxes.
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Writers have problems writing sex scenes, because writing one really well is pornography.
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Think before you speak. Read before you think. This will give you something to think about that you didn't make up yourself - a wise move at any age, but most especially at seventeen, when you are in the greatest danger of coming to annoying conclusions.
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People who are well-known, famous people, I think, make very poor characters for fiction. They make good characters for gossip columns. But not for fiction.
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Breakfast cereals that come in the same colors as polyester leisure suits make oversleeping a virtue.
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To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.
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I just write when fear overtakes me.
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I hate, simply, to work. I just hate to work, period. I am profoundly slothful. Practically inert.
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Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house.
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New Yorkers, we've seen Donald Trump for, like, 30 years we know who he is. So he wasn't a surprise to me.
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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I'm a horrible girlfriend. I always was. I'm great at the beginning, because I can be very romantic.
Fran Lebowitz
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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Did it ever occur to anyone that if you put nice libraries in public schools you wouldn't have to put them in prisons?
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Whenever someone accuses someone of being a racist - which is rare, you have to admit, considering how much racism there is - there is an incredible outrage. I realized that we live in an environment that it seems to be worse to call someone a racist than to be one.
Fran Lebowitz