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I write so slowly, I could write with my own blood and not hurt myself.

Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Write
Writing
Slowly
Blood
Hurt

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A dog who thinks he is a man's best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer.
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Democracy is an interesting, even laudable, notion and there is no question but that when compared to Communism, which is too dull, or Fascism, which is too exciting, it emerges as the most palatable form of government.
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Scientists - the crowd that for dash and style make the general public look like the Bloomsbury set.
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London: A place you go to get bronchitis.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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Now people need special costumes to ride bicycles. I mean, a helmet, what, are you an astronaut??
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The thing you love right away, don't do it, because that's the very thing that's going to be your addiction for the rest of your life.
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I write a sentence a thousand times, changing it all the time to look at it in different ways.
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Writers have problems writing sex scenes, because writing one really well is pornography.
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Smoking is, if not my life, then at least my hobby. I love to smoke. Smoking is fun. Smoking is cool. Smoking is, as far as I am concerned, the entire point of being an adult.
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I stopped taking drugs when I was 19, and who wants to drive a cab around New York with drugs in their car?
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No one's supposed to be the president. This is not England. And it's not just the Bush family, all families designate each child as having some particular trait.
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Because I was young, I had this long hair, and people used to try to tip me with joints.
Fran Lebowitz
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I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.
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I never had a typewriter. I never had any machines.
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I hate all jobs. I've never had a job I liked.
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Anti-smoking sentiment has replaced middle-class morality entirely. The smoker has taken the place of the homosexual. Today you hear people say things about smokers that used to be said about homosexuals - they pollute the environment you don't want them around your children.
Fran Lebowitz
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Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
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There are certain relationships I think I'm great at: I'm the world's greatest daughter. I'm a great relative. I believe I'm a great friend.
Fran Lebowitz
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The main symptom of falling in love is that you lose your intellectual prowess.
Fran Lebowitz