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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Science
Humorous
Without
Phones
Way
Offer
Good
Drinking
People
Offers
Drink
Telephone
Technology
Telephones
Talk
Memorable

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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensive domestic cigars.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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People who get married because they're in love make a ridiculous mistake. It makes much more sense to marry your best friend. You like your best friend more than anyone you're ever going to be in love with. You dont choose your best friend because they have a cute nose.
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No one earns $100 million. You steal $100 million.
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If people don't hold grudges, it means they just don't care what people do.
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The truth is that most families have no smart ones and no pretty ones. Most families are a bunch of unattractive dopes. And it turns out that the Bush family, like most families, has no smart ones. I was not surprised to see this.
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I have a hard time writing. Most writers have a hard time writing. I have a harder time than most because I'm lazier than most. I don't want to brag, but I'm the laziest person I have ever known.
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I write a sentence a thousand times, changing it all the time to look at it in different ways.
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If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.
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My favorite animal is steak.
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I do not think everyone is created equal. In fact, I know they're not. [The Constitution] means that everyone should have the same laws as everyone else. It doesn't mean that everyone's as smart or as cute or as lucky as everyone else.
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Even when America is not working that well, it still works better than other places.
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Perhaps one of the more noteworthy trends of our time is the occupation of buildings accompanied by the taking of hostages. The perpetrators of these deeds are generally motivated by political grievance, social injustice, and the deeply felt desire to see how they look on TV.
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The Italians are the most civilized people. And they're very warm. Basically, they're Jews with great architecture.
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[On not reading newspapers:] If something important happens, your mother calls you.
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I'd like to decide who comes here. I'd like to be the admissions director of New York.
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It is, in fact, safe to assume that, more often than not, life imitates craft, for who among us can say that our experience does not more closely resemble a macramé plant holder than it does a painting by Seurat. When it comes to art, life is the biggest copycat in the matter of the frame.
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I'm such a slow writer I have no need for anything as fast as a word processor. I don't need anything so snappy. I write so slowly that I could write in my own blood without hurting myself.
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...I believed passionately that Communists were a race of horned men who divided their time equally between the burning of Nancy Drew books and the devising of a plan of nuclear attack that would land the largest and most lethal bomb squarely upon the third-grade class of Thomas Jefferson School in Morristown, New Jersey.
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