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If you're going to America, bring your own food.

Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Going
Insulting
Travel
Food
Bring
Culture
America
Women

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I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.
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Not writing is probably the most exhausting profession I've ever encountered. It takes it out of you. It's very psychically wearing not to write - I mean if you're supposed to be writing.
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The Italians are the most civilized people. And they're very warm. Basically, they're Jews with great architecture.
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The main symptom of falling in love is that you lose your intellectual prowess.
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If you read a lot, nothing is as great as you've imagined. Venice is - Venice is better.
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I do not think everyone is created equal. In fact, I know they're not. [The Constitution] means that everyone should have the same laws as everyone else. It doesn't mean that everyone's as smart or as cute or as lucky as everyone else.
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New York was always more expensive than the other places, even when it was going bankrupt. In other words, in 1971, New York was expensive for someone with no money. For anyone.
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Luckily when you drive a cab there are two things: You don't have a boss in the cab with you, and you are not facing the people that you are making money from.
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Cheese that is required by law to append the word food to its title does not go well with red wine or fruit.
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Children do not really need money. After all, they don't have to pay rent or send mailgrams.
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Now people need special costumes to ride bicycles. I mean, a helmet, what, are you an astronaut??
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I'd like to decide who comes here. I'd like to be the admissions director of New York.
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No one's supposed to be the president. This is not England. And it's not just the Bush family, all families designate each child as having some particular trait.
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I hate all jobs. I've never had a job I liked.
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There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn.
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Without these tourists, New York would be fantastic. I don't want them to come. Stay home!
Fran Lebowitz
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I am not... totally unreceptive to colour providing it makes its appearance quietly, deferentially, and without undue fanfare.
Fran Lebowitz
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Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
Fran Lebowitz
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My dream writing room would be the Imperial Library in Vienna.
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You can be nasty when you are young, but you really have to be older to achieve bitterness.
Fran Lebowitz