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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

Fran Lebowitz

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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 74
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Tails
Poodles
Suggest
Sweater
Pet
Canine
Owners
Paws
Silly
Sweaters
Wear
Owner
Dog
Tail
Animal
Suggests

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Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.
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Do not have your child's hair cut by a real hairdresser in a real hairdressing salon. He is, at this point, far too short to be exposed to contempt.
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Abandon the search for Truth settle for a good fantasy
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To me, O'Hara is the real Fitzgerald.
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There's too much democracy in the culture, not enough in the society.
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Cheese that is required by law to append the word food to its title does not go well with red wine or fruit.
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I am not... totally unreceptive to colour providing it makes its appearance quietly, deferentially, and without undue fanfare.
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I always liked people who are older. Of course, every year it gets harder to find them.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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A woman's quest in life should be to find the perfect apartment. And I have found the perfect apartment. The perfect apartment is the first floor of the Metropolitan Museum. With a sofa.
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Forcing people into a situation where they're supposed to adore each other is probably bad. But letting people get on and off the 6 train without stabbing each other, that's good.
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What people don't know is: Clothes don't really fit you unless they're made for you. Especially when you wear men's clothes, like I do. American women think that clothes fit them if they can fit into them. But that's not at all what fit means.
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You can be nasty when you are young, but you really have to be older to achieve bitterness.
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You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
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Television turned out to be exactly as bad as the most irritating and pedantic intellectuals of the '50s said it was going to be.
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
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Knowingness is sexy. The opposite of sexy is naivete.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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