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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
Fran Lebowitz
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Fran Lebowitz
Age: 73
Born: 1950
Born: October 27
Author
Humorist
Journalist
Orator
Writer
Morristown
NJ
Frances Ann Lebowitz
Robert Paine Cook
Certain
Dog
Ever
Absolutely
Conversation
Poodles
Unless
Canine
Room
Dining
Hold
Furniture
Rooms
Pet
Animal
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More quotes by Fran Lebowitz
I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.
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The great thing about New Jersey is that it's close to New York.
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I always liked people who are older. Of course, every year it gets harder to find them.
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Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.
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Did it ever occur to anyone that if you put nice libraries in public schools you wouldn't have to put them in prisons?
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A dog who thinks he is a man's best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer.
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I'm very lazy, I hate to work.
Fran Lebowitz
The main symptom of falling in love is that you lose your intellectual prowess.
Fran Lebowitz
When I'm supposed to be writing I clean my apartment, take my clothes to the laundry, get organized, make lists, do the dishes. I would never do a dish unless I had to write.
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I wish that real estate were cheaper and clothes were more expensive.
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if you live in New York and you have a guest room, you have guests. So I think it's best not to have a guest room.
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In Rome people spend most of their time having lunch. And they do it very well - Rome is unquestionably the lunch capital of the world.
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Children do not really need money. After all, they don't have to pay rent or send mailgrams.
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Do not have your child's hair cut by a real hairdresser in a real hairdressing salon. He is, at this point, far too short to be exposed to contempt.
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People who are well-known, famous people, I think, make very poor characters for fiction. They make good characters for gossip columns. But not for fiction.
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The truth is that most families have no smart ones and no pretty ones. Most families are a bunch of unattractive dopes. And it turns out that the Bush family, like most families, has no smart ones. I was not surprised to see this.
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No one earns $100 million. You steal $100 million.
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A woman's quest in life should be to find the perfect apartment. And I have found the perfect apartment. The perfect apartment is the first floor of the Metropolitan Museum. With a sofa.
Fran Lebowitz
Generally speaking, the poorer person summers where he winters.
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The other day I read that last year 58 million tourists came to New York ... where a puny eight million people are trying to live. Unless they own a hotel chain, I don't think a single one of these eight million people are happy about this.
Fran Lebowitz