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Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.

Finley Peter Dunne

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Finley Peter Dunne
Age: 68 †
Born: 1867
Born: July 10
Died: 1936
Died: April 24
Author
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Chicago
Illinois
Drug
Impaired
Direct
Respectful
Couldn
Store
Moral
Corner
Age
Manners
Many
Stores
Mind
Corners
Men
Thirty

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The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
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What's wan man's news is another man's throubles.
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Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.
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What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.
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No, sir, th' dimmycratic party ain't on speakin' terms with itsilf. Whin ye see two men with white neckties go into a sthreet car an' set in opposite corners while wan mutthers Thraiter an' th' other hisses Miscreent ye can bet they're two dimmycratic leaders thryin' to reunite th' gran' ol' party.
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A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
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A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.
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I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.
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Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.
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High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.
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If ye live enough befure thirty ye won't care to live at all afther fifty.
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I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.
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There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.
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To most people a savage nation is wan that doesn't wear oncomf'rtable clothes.
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When 'tis an aven thing in th' prayin', may th' best man win ... an' th' best man will win.
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Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.
Finley Peter Dunne
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Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.
Finley Peter Dunne
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It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.
Finley Peter Dunne
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Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it
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Histhry is a post-mortem examination. It tellsye what a counthry died iv. But I'd like to know what it lived iv.
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