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A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.

Finley Peter Dunne

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Finley Peter Dunne
Age: 68 †
Born: 1867
Born: July 10
Died: 1936
Died: April 24
Author
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Chicago
Illinois
Thinking
Angel
Large
Remains
Called
Year
Lobsters
Political
Lobster
Years
Angels
Men
Thinks

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I care not who makes th' laws iv a nation, if I can get out an injunction.
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A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable
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Opportunity knocks at every man's door once. On some men's door it hammers till it breaks down the door and then it goes in and wakes him up if he's asleep, and ever afterward it works for him as a night watchman.
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A game you play with your own worst enemy-yourself.
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Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.
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Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.
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Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it
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If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.
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A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.
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The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.
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Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.
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Many a man that could rule a hundherd millyon sthrangers with an ir'n hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway whin he comes home late at night.
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Don't jump on a man unless he is down.
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A rayformer thinks he was ilicted because he was a rayformer, whin th thruth iv th matther is he was ilicted because no wan knew him.
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It must be a good thing to be good or ivrybody wudden't be pretendin' he was.
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When 'tis an aven thing in th' prayin', may th' best man win ... an' th' best man will win.
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Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.
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The past always looks better than it was it's only pleasant because it isn't here.
Finley Peter Dunne
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I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.
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Viceis a creature of such heejous mienthat th' more ye see it th' betther ye like it.
Finley Peter Dunne