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The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.
Evan Esar
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Evan Esar
Age: 95 †
Born: 1899
Born: January 1
Died: 1995
Died: January 1
American Humorist
Humorist
Side
Sides
Wrong
Right
Thing
Argument
Worse
Listening
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A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
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Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
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Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
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The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.
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A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.
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An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.
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The chief ability of an executive should be his ability to recognize ability.
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Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.
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You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.
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[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
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An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
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An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom a wisecrack, their divorce.
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You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.
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Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it.
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Conceit is a disease That the doctors got no cure They've done a lot of research on it But what it is, they're still not sure.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you cry -- and the world laughs harder.
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The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.
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The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
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The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
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A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond
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