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The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.

Evan Esar

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Evan Esar
Age: 95 †
Born: 1899
Born: January 1
Died: 1995
Died: January 1
American Humorist
Humorist
Best
Long
Way
Make
Short
Listening
Stop
Story
Stories

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You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.
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Many a girl who can't dance well makes up for it during intermission.
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Under dictatorship, the people in prison are always superior to the people who put them there.
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The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
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If you want to know how little your dignity is worth, take it to the pawnbroker.
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Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.
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Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
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More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.
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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
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A corporation has all the powers and privileges of an individual: all it lacks is a conscience.
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A dollar saved is a dollar earned but seldom vice versa.
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The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.
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A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond
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After wisdom comes wit.
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A home in the country is what a city man hopes to buy and a farmer hopes to sell.
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There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.
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Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery nowadays it is called moonlighting.
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Many a man who goes to Las Vegas to get away from it all soon finds that Las Vegas gets it all away from him.
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A bureaucrat is an official who is clothed with power and whom it doesn't fit.
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Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.
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