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A man picks a wife about the same way an apple picks a farmer.

Evan Esar

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Evan Esar
Age: 95 †
Born: 1899
Born: January 1
Died: 1995
Died: January 1
American Humorist
Humorist
Apple
Farmers
Apples
Picks
Wife
Way
Men
Farmer

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After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.
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The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.
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Many a girl who can't dance well makes up for it during intermission.
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Charm is to a woman what perfume is to a flower.
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There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.
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Times change: it was once the custom to take a bath weekly and religion daily.
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Many a husband lives to regret the extravagant fee he bestowed upon the minister who sentenced him.
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A lazy man's wife is generally the power behind the drone.
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Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.
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A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.
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The secret of successful writing lies in striking the right keys on the typewriter.
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Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
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The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
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Admiration: Our feeling of delight that another person resembles us.
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It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
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To a teenager, it cannot be true love if her family approves of him.
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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
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All men are born equal, but some of them outgrow it.
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If you want to know how little your dignity is worth, take it to the pawnbroker.
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The only thing worse than being on the wrong side of an argument is to be on the right side with no one listening.
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