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If you want to be successful, you must either have a chance or take one.

Evan Esar

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Evan Esar
Age: 95 †
Born: 1899
Born: January 1
Died: 1995
Died: January 1
American Humorist
Humorist
Either
Successful
Chance
Take
Must

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The only medicine that needs no prescription, has no unpleasant taste, and costs no money is laughter.
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A dollar saved is a dollar earned but seldom vice versa.
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An expert is someone who takes something you already know and makes it sound confusing.
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An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom a wisecrack, their divorce.
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A wedding is the formality a man has to go through before going to work for a new boss.
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The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
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The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.
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[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
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An actor is a man with an infinite capacity for taking praise.
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Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.
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If you want to know how little your dignity is worth, take it to the pawnbroker.
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The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
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You can't judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.
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A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him.
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You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.
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If you want to be different nowadays, just act normal.
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[Statistics] The science that can prove everything except the usefulness of statistics.
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The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
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The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.
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Conceit is a disease That the doctors got no cure They've done a lot of research on it But what it is, they're still not sure.
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