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The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.

Evan Esar

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Evan Esar
Age: 95 †
Born: 1899
Born: January 1
Died: 1995
Died: January 1
American Humorist
Humorist
Amputation
Bragging
Neck
Surgery
Necks
Cure
Cures
Way
Egotist

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[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
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An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.
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The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
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Adam and Eve were the first of all unions to defy management.
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A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him.
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The man who doctors himself with the aid of medical books, runs the risk of dying of a typographical error.
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Do a little more every day than you are expected to do, and soon you will be expected to do more.
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When you make your mark in the world, watch out for the envious with erasers.
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The most uncommon form of intelligence is common sense.
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Conceit is a disease That the doctors got no cure They've done a lot of research on it But what it is, they're still not sure.
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The best way to spoil a good story is by sticking to the facts.
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Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
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A bureaucrat is an official who is clothed with power and whom it doesn't fit.
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Washington is the place where nobody believes a rumor until it has been officially denied.
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A good loser is all right, but it isn't so much fun to beat him.
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Etymology: from Latin ad-, to + visum, past participle of videre, to see. Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
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Hard work never hurt anyone who hired someone else to do it.
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The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.
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After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.
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A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.
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