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Don't tear your hair out over a woman it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald.

Evan Esar

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Evan Esar
Age: 95 †
Born: 1899
Born: January 1
Died: 1995
Died: January 1
American Humorist
Humorist
Hair
Woman
Next
Baldness
Bald
Attract
Tear
Harder
Tears

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More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.
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Etymology: from Latin ad-, to + visum, past participle of videre, to see. Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
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A man picks a wife about the same way an apple picks a farmer.
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[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
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Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.
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The chief ability of an executive should be his ability to recognize ability.
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A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond
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Congress would give the people what they wanted if the people knew what they wanted, and if Congress could give it to them.
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It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway.
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Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
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Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.
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[Statistics] The science that can prove everything except the usefulness of statistics.
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The lecturer who is full of his subject is usually very slow in emptying himself.
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A hamburger by any other name costs twice as much.
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Life is a game played on us while we are playing other games.
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An actor is a man with an infinite capacity for taking praise.
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Eloquence is the art of saying as little as possible but making it sound as much as possible.
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A dictator's chief problem is keeping the stomachs of his subjects full while keeping their heads empty.
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The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
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To a teenager, it cannot be true love if her family approves of him.
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