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Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
Evan Esar
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Evan Esar
Age: 95 †
Born: 1899
Born: January 1
Died: 1995
Died: January 1
American Humorist
Humorist
Opinion
Egotist
Change
Specialist
Persons
Specialists
Best
Egotism
Person
Opinions
Men
Except
Whose
Friend
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Many a husband lives to regret the extravagant fee he bestowed upon the minister who sentenced him.
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If you want to know how little your dignity is worth, take it to the pawnbroker.
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The lazy man claims he is too heavy for light work and too light for heavy work.
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A cynic sees little to admire in the world, while the world sees even less to admire in him.
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A bureaucrat is an official who is clothed with power and whom it doesn't fit.
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[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
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A corporation has all the powers and privileges of an individual: all it lacks is a conscience.
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Congress would give the people what they wanted if the people knew what they wanted, and if Congress could give it to them.
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Charm is to a woman what perfume is to a flower.
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If you want to be different nowadays, just act normal.
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There's only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.
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A homosexual is the only man who ever meets a man he would like to marry if he were a woman.
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Conceit is a disease That the doctors got no cure They've done a lot of research on it But what it is, they're still not sure.
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If you don't like to make excuses or apologies, stop making promises.
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The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.
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Bureaucracy is more people doing less things, and taking more time to do them worse.
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The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.
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A bright eye indicates curiosity a black eye, too much.
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Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
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