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The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

Evan Esar

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Evan Esar
Age: 95 †
Born: 1899
Born: January 1
Died: 1995
Died: January 1
American Humorist
Humorist
Avoids
Future
Girl
Past
Men

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Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.
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More diets start in dress shops than in doctors' offices.
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[Statistics] The science that can prove everything except the usefulness of statistics.
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Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
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The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
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A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond
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Etymology: from Latin ad-, to + visum, past participle of videre, to see. Advice is what you get from your parents when you are growing up, and from your children when you are growing old.
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The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed.
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Some couples divorce because of a misunderstandin g others, because they understand each other too well.
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The only place where you can find equality is in the cemetery.
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Formerly when a man worked ten hours a day, it was called economic slavery nowadays it is called moonlighting.
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Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.
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An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.
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Many a woman would get a divorce if she could do it without making her husband happy.
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In elections, the undecided vote is usually the deciding factor.
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Some people worry because they are in debt others, because they can't even get in.
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[A mathematician is a] scientist who can figure out anything except such simple things as squaring the circle and trisecting an angle.
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Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
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Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary.
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You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.
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