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Definition of Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

Evan Esar

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Evan Esar
Age: 95 †
Born: 1899
Born: January 1
Died: 1995
Died: January 1
American Humorist
Humorist
Science
Unreliable
Facts
Reliable
Producing
Statistics
Definition
Definitions
Figures
Business

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The only medicine that needs no prescription, has no unpleasant taste, and costs no money is laughter.
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Some people blow their top, but all people blow their bottom.
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The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini.
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All work and no pay makes a housewife.
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An actor is a man with an infinite capacity for taking praise.
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Divorce is the key that opens the strongbox where the bonds of matrimony are kept under wedlock.
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Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths.
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A credit card is a convenient device that saves you the trouble of counting your change.
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Corrupt officials are usually close-mouthed and open-handed.
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You are not fully dressed until you wear a smile.
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The only time a lazy man ever succeeds is when he tries to do nothing.
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Egotist: 1. A person who is his own best friend. 2. An I specialist. 3. A man whose opinions all change, except the one he has of himself.
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A wedding is the formality a man has to go through before going to work for a new boss.
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The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.
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If it required some effort to go from today to tomorrow, some people would always remain in yesterday.
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A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her -- as long as it's a diamond
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After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride.
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The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you've finally learned it, it's not modern any more.
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A creature that never cries over spilt milk: a cat.
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A corporation has all the powers and privileges of an individual: all it lacks is a conscience.
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