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I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
Eugene Mirman
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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Truly
Word
Away
Emphasize
Toss
More quotes by Eugene Mirman
I believe in diversification of income, because you never know what will happen. I'm a slightly paranoid person who thinks things could be ruined at any time.
Eugene Mirman
The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.
Eugene Mirman
Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.
Eugene Mirman
Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.
Eugene Mirman
You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.
Eugene Mirman
It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.
Eugene Mirman
I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
Eugene Mirman
The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.
Eugene Mirman
Everyone knows that Jews control the media and banks and stuff. But did you know that when you go to a carnival and you have to be a certain height to go on a ride, Jews control that height? It has nothing to do with safety. It's just us flexing our Semitic muscles.
Eugene Mirman
I like the idea of being sort of withdrawn and mysterious, and what can be more mysterious that someone wearing a trash bag, like a dark trash bag, with eye holes that say nihilism? You'd be curious. What's underneath that? Is it perfect? Or is it broken?
Eugene Mirman
You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?
Eugene Mirman
If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.
Eugene Mirman
In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.
Eugene Mirman
Some tips for life: 1.Don't be afraid to follow your dreams, unless your dreams are stupid. 2.Be kind to people. 3.Don't get too excited when you read the Fountainhead 4.In times of recession, it is time for invention. 5.Things can kill you, so keep that in mind, you fearless know it alls.
Eugene Mirman
God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.
Eugene Mirman
Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
Eugene Mirman
I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.
Eugene Mirman
On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.
Eugene Mirman
I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.
Eugene Mirman
I spent the day today at Brighton Beach, walking around. It's a Russian/Jewish neighborhood. And I was in a store and I saw a board game called 'Let My People Go,' based on the Jews' exodus from Egypt. I was like, 'Too soon.
Eugene Mirman
