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I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.

Eugene Mirman

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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Lexington
Massachusetts
Hindsight
Went
Nice
High
School

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Try not to wake up on fire.
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In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.
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I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
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You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?
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I spent the day today at Brighton Beach, walking around. It's a Russian/Jewish neighborhood. And I was in a store and I saw a board game called 'Let My People Go,' based on the Jews' exodus from Egypt. I was like, 'Too soon.
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God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.
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The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal as someone like Marc Maron or a lot of comedians, but they are essentially my life and my interpretation of it.
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Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.
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Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
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I saw this huge billboard that said: 'Abortion Hurts' and then it had a drawing of a butterfly. Who is that for? Is there a lady who's going to see that and be like, 'Oh, I was going to get an abortion but now that I realize it hurts I guess I'll just give birth to a child! 'Cause I know that's painless and raising it should be a snap!'
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I believe in diversification of income, because you never know what will happen. I'm a slightly paranoid person who thinks things could be ruined at any time.
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Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?
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I like the idea of being sort of withdrawn and mysterious, and what can be more mysterious that someone wearing a trash bag, like a dark trash bag, with eye holes that say nihilism? You'd be curious. What's underneath that? Is it perfect? Or is it broken?
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You just can't make up random information and say it sarcastically and have it make sense. You can't just be like, 'I went out on a date with a Jewish girl. She was more rude than a wolfcat - an animal I've made up and decided is rude.
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To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.
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The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.
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What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.
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