Quote

Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.

Eugene Mirman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Comedian
Genuine
Known
America

More quotes by Eugene Mirman

Image
What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.
Eugene Mirman
Image
I believe in diversification of income, because you never know what will happen. I'm a slightly paranoid person who thinks things could be ruined at any time.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.
Eugene Mirman
Image
To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.
Eugene Mirman
Image
I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Try not to wake up on fire.
Eugene Mirman
Image
I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
Eugene Mirman
Image
I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.
Eugene Mirman
Image
A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.
Eugene Mirman
Image
God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
Eugene Mirman
Image
I saw this huge billboard that said: 'Abortion Hurts' and then it had a drawing of a butterfly. Who is that for? Is there a lady who's going to see that and be like, 'Oh, I was going to get an abortion but now that I realize it hurts I guess I'll just give birth to a child! 'Cause I know that's painless and raising it should be a snap!'
Eugene Mirman
Image
The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.
Eugene Mirman
Image
On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.
Eugene Mirman
Image
If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.
Eugene Mirman
Image
The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.
Eugene Mirman
Image
The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal as someone like Marc Maron or a lot of comedians, but they are essentially my life and my interpretation of it.
Eugene Mirman
Image
In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.
Eugene Mirman