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Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?
Eugene Mirman
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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Street
Okay
Streets
Building
Tallest
Jerk
Roof
Town
Towns
More quotes by Eugene Mirman
In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.
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There's nothing sexier than a girl who's like, 'I know who FDR is, I know about the New Deal, I'm going to give you a new deal.' And then, over a period of years, she structures her sex acts in such a way that they save the economy.
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A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.
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If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.
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You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?
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Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
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People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with a flute making no sense. And it's very easy to be like, yeah, that's not really comedy.
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I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.
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Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.
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Try not to wake up on fire.
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I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
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God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.
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I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
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It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.
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What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.
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If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.
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Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?
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Some tips for life: 1.Don't be afraid to follow your dreams, unless your dreams are stupid. 2.Be kind to people. 3.Don't get too excited when you read the Fountainhead 4.In times of recession, it is time for invention. 5.Things can kill you, so keep that in mind, you fearless know it alls.
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I believe in diversification of income, because you never know what will happen. I'm a slightly paranoid person who thinks things could be ruined at any time.
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You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.
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