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I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.

Eugene Mirman

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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Never
Comedians
Would
Comedian
Like
Guitar
Rock
Rocks
Band
Actually
Play
Toured

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I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
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In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.
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Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.
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Some tips for life: 1.Don't be afraid to follow your dreams, unless your dreams are stupid. 2.Be kind to people. 3.Don't get too excited when you read the Fountainhead 4.In times of recession, it is time for invention. 5.Things can kill you, so keep that in mind, you fearless know it alls.
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People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with a flute making no sense. And it's very easy to be like, yeah, that's not really comedy.
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It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.
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Everyone knows that Jews control the media and banks and stuff. But did you know that when you go to a carnival and you have to be a certain height to go on a ride, Jews control that height? It has nothing to do with safety. It's just us flexing our Semitic muscles.
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Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
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Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
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God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.
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Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?
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Try not to wake up on fire.
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On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.
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Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?
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Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.
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I spent the day today at Brighton Beach, walking around. It's a Russian/Jewish neighborhood. And I was in a store and I saw a board game called 'Let My People Go,' based on the Jews' exodus from Egypt. I was like, 'Too soon.
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Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.
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You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?
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If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.
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To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.
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