Quote

On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.

Eugene Mirman

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Use
Apple
Punk
Apples
Scale
Scales
Ten

More quotes by Eugene Mirman

Image
I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
Eugene Mirman
Image
I spent the day today at Brighton Beach, walking around. It's a Russian/Jewish neighborhood. And I was in a store and I saw a board game called 'Let My People Go,' based on the Jews' exodus from Egypt. I was like, 'Too soon.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
Eugene Mirman
Image
The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.
Eugene Mirman
Image
It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.
Eugene Mirman
Image
One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.
Eugene Mirman
Image
You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.
Eugene Mirman
Image
If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.
Eugene Mirman
Image
I believe in diversification of income, because you never know what will happen. I'm a slightly paranoid person who thinks things could be ruined at any time.
Eugene Mirman
Image
You just can't make up random information and say it sarcastically and have it make sense. You can't just be like, 'I went out on a date with a Jewish girl. She was more rude than a wolfcat - an animal I've made up and decided is rude.
Eugene Mirman
Image
What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
Eugene Mirman
Image
I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
Eugene Mirman
Image
I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.
Eugene Mirman
Image
Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?
Eugene Mirman
Image
The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.
Eugene Mirman