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Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?

Eugene Mirman

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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Hate
Thing
Love
Square
Squares
Root
Roots
Times

More quotes by Eugene Mirman

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I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
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It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.
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For a short period of time, I was like, I have these jokes and if people get them, they get them. And then eventually, I was like, Oh no. It's absolutely my job to convey to people why what I think is funny, is funny. The whole point of standup is to get the audience to understand your weird point of view.
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The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.
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God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.
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You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?
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I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
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In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.
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A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.
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Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.
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Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
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One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.
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School, in general, was not great. Children are just mean to each other... but by high school, I probably stopped being annoying to people, and people stopped being mean. By the end of it, it was wonderful.
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Try not to wake up on fire.
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People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with a flute making no sense. And it's very easy to be like, yeah, that's not really comedy.
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I believe in diversification of income, because you never know what will happen. I'm a slightly paranoid person who thinks things could be ruined at any time.
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I spent the day today at Brighton Beach, walking around. It's a Russian/Jewish neighborhood. And I was in a store and I saw a board game called 'Let My People Go,' based on the Jews' exodus from Egypt. I was like, 'Too soon.
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I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.
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Everyone knows that Jews control the media and banks and stuff. But did you know that when you go to a carnival and you have to be a certain height to go on a ride, Jews control that height? It has nothing to do with safety. It's just us flexing our Semitic muscles.
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Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.
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