Quote

You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?

Eugene Mirman

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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Regret
Sort
Sometimes
Something
Aces
Drunk

More quotes by Eugene Mirman

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For a short period of time, I was like, I have these jokes and if people get them, they get them. And then eventually, I was like, Oh no. It's absolutely my job to convey to people why what I think is funny, is funny. The whole point of standup is to get the audience to understand your weird point of view.
Eugene Mirman
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I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.
Eugene Mirman
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It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.
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If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.
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Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
Eugene Mirman
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One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.
Eugene Mirman
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There's nothing sexier than a girl who's like, 'I know who FDR is, I know about the New Deal, I'm going to give you a new deal.' And then, over a period of years, she structures her sex acts in such a way that they save the economy.
Eugene Mirman
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Everyone knows that Jews control the media and banks and stuff. But did you know that when you go to a carnival and you have to be a certain height to go on a ride, Jews control that height? It has nothing to do with safety. It's just us flexing our Semitic muscles.
Eugene Mirman
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Some tips for life: 1.Don't be afraid to follow your dreams, unless your dreams are stupid. 2.Be kind to people. 3.Don't get too excited when you read the Fountainhead 4.In times of recession, it is time for invention. 5.Things can kill you, so keep that in mind, you fearless know it alls.
Eugene Mirman
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What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.
Eugene Mirman
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I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.
Eugene Mirman
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God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.
Eugene Mirman
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I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.
Eugene Mirman
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I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
Eugene Mirman
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Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?
Eugene Mirman
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In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.
Eugene Mirman
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What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.
Eugene Mirman
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Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.
Eugene Mirman
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I spent the day today at Brighton Beach, walking around. It's a Russian/Jewish neighborhood. And I was in a store and I saw a board game called 'Let My People Go,' based on the Jews' exodus from Egypt. I was like, 'Too soon.
Eugene Mirman
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Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?
Eugene Mirman