Quote

The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.

Eugene Mirman

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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Hour
Airport
Gives
Airports
Hours
Traveler
Chance
Weary
Give
Extra
Giving
Extras
Massages
Thing
Stuck
Travelers
Good
Surprise
Massage

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I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
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One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.
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Some tips for life: 1.Don't be afraid to follow your dreams, unless your dreams are stupid. 2.Be kind to people. 3.Don't get too excited when you read the Fountainhead 4.In times of recession, it is time for invention. 5.Things can kill you, so keep that in mind, you fearless know it alls.
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What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.
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I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.
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The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal as someone like Marc Maron or a lot of comedians, but they are essentially my life and my interpretation of it.
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I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.
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Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.
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I spent the day today at Brighton Beach, walking around. It's a Russian/Jewish neighborhood. And I was in a store and I saw a board game called 'Let My People Go,' based on the Jews' exodus from Egypt. I was like, 'Too soon.
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I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
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Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?
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What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.
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People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with a flute making no sense. And it's very easy to be like, yeah, that's not really comedy.
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If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.
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Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
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Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
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I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.
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If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.
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Try not to wake up on fire.
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There's nothing sexier than a girl who's like, 'I know who FDR is, I know about the New Deal, I'm going to give you a new deal.' And then, over a period of years, she structures her sex acts in such a way that they save the economy.
Eugene Mirman