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Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

Eugene Mirman

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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Potential
Complete
Economic
Talking
Savings
Collapse
Saving

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There's nothing sexier than a girl who's like, 'I know who FDR is, I know about the New Deal, I'm going to give you a new deal.' And then, over a period of years, she structures her sex acts in such a way that they save the economy.
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What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.
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I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.
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Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.
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Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?
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Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.
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You just can't make up random information and say it sarcastically and have it make sense. You can't just be like, 'I went out on a date with a Jewish girl. She was more rude than a wolfcat - an animal I've made up and decided is rude.
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People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with a flute making no sense. And it's very easy to be like, yeah, that's not really comedy.
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I saw this huge billboard that said: 'Abortion Hurts' and then it had a drawing of a butterfly. Who is that for? Is there a lady who's going to see that and be like, 'Oh, I was going to get an abortion but now that I realize it hurts I guess I'll just give birth to a child! 'Cause I know that's painless and raising it should be a snap!'
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If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.
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Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?
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What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.
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Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.
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I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
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Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.
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For a short period of time, I was like, I have these jokes and if people get them, they get them. And then eventually, I was like, Oh no. It's absolutely my job to convey to people why what I think is funny, is funny. The whole point of standup is to get the audience to understand your weird point of view.
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I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.
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I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
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God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.
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