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In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

Eugene Mirman

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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
America
Qualification
Qualifications
Qualified
Adopted
Attitude
Simply

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Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.
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Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.
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One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.
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For a short period of time, I was like, I have these jokes and if people get them, they get them. And then eventually, I was like, Oh no. It's absolutely my job to convey to people why what I think is funny, is funny. The whole point of standup is to get the audience to understand your weird point of view.
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If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.
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Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?
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You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.
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I believe in diversification of income, because you never know what will happen. I'm a slightly paranoid person who thinks things could be ruined at any time.
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There's nothing sexier than a girl who's like, 'I know who FDR is, I know about the New Deal, I'm going to give you a new deal.' And then, over a period of years, she structures her sex acts in such a way that they save the economy.
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You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?
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Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?
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It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.
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On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.
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Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.
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I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
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I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.
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To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.
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Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?
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I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
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The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.
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