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One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.
Eugene Mirman
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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Poor
Detroit
Found
Restaurants
Best
Neighborhood
Things
Opening
Bears
City
Cities
Thai
Started
Returning
More quotes by Eugene Mirman
There's nothing sexier than a girl who's like, 'I know who FDR is, I know about the New Deal, I'm going to give you a new deal.' And then, over a period of years, she structures her sex acts in such a way that they save the economy.
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Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
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Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.
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Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?
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The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.
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To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.
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God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.
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Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.
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I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
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It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.
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I spent the day today at Brighton Beach, walking around. It's a Russian/Jewish neighborhood. And I was in a store and I saw a board game called 'Let My People Go,' based on the Jews' exodus from Egypt. I was like, 'Too soon.
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In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.
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I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
Eugene Mirman
The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal as someone like Marc Maron or a lot of comedians, but they are essentially my life and my interpretation of it.
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Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?
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