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One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.
Eugene Mirman
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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Poor
Detroit
Found
Restaurants
Best
Neighborhood
Things
Opening
Bears
City
Cities
Thai
Started
Returning
More quotes by Eugene Mirman
If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.
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Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
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What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.
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I spent the day today at Brighton Beach, walking around. It's a Russian/Jewish neighborhood. And I was in a store and I saw a board game called 'Let My People Go,' based on the Jews' exodus from Egypt. I was like, 'Too soon.
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It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.
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Everyone knows that Jews control the media and banks and stuff. But did you know that when you go to a carnival and you have to be a certain height to go on a ride, Jews control that height? It has nothing to do with safety. It's just us flexing our Semitic muscles.
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A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.
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School, in general, was not great. Children are just mean to each other... but by high school, I probably stopped being annoying to people, and people stopped being mean. By the end of it, it was wonderful.
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To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.
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Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.
Eugene Mirman
Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?
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In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.
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What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.
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I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.
Eugene Mirman
Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.
Eugene Mirman
Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?
Eugene Mirman
Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.
Eugene Mirman
Some tips for life: 1.Don't be afraid to follow your dreams, unless your dreams are stupid. 2.Be kind to people. 3.Don't get too excited when you read the Fountainhead 4.In times of recession, it is time for invention. 5.Things can kill you, so keep that in mind, you fearless know it alls.
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You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.
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I believe in diversification of income, because you never know what will happen. I'm a slightly paranoid person who thinks things could be ruined at any time.
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