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If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.
Eugene Mirman
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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
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Rove
Karl
Underground
Future
Reason
Live
More quotes by Eugene Mirman
For a short period of time, I was like, I have these jokes and if people get them, they get them. And then eventually, I was like, Oh no. It's absolutely my job to convey to people why what I think is funny, is funny. The whole point of standup is to get the audience to understand your weird point of view.
Eugene Mirman
Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.
Eugene Mirman
I like the idea of being sort of withdrawn and mysterious, and what can be more mysterious that someone wearing a trash bag, like a dark trash bag, with eye holes that say nihilism? You'd be curious. What's underneath that? Is it perfect? Or is it broken?
Eugene Mirman
Oh, Hello. I'm Eugene Mirman, and I'm here to introduce my special. It's called An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory.
Eugene Mirman
Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?
Eugene Mirman
Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.
Eugene Mirman
Everyone knows that Jews control the media and banks and stuff. But did you know that when you go to a carnival and you have to be a certain height to go on a ride, Jews control that height? It has nothing to do with safety. It's just us flexing our Semitic muscles.
Eugene Mirman
One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.
Eugene Mirman
Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.
Eugene Mirman
I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.
Eugene Mirman
I saw this huge billboard that said: 'Abortion Hurts' and then it had a drawing of a butterfly. Who is that for? Is there a lady who's going to see that and be like, 'Oh, I was going to get an abortion but now that I realize it hurts I guess I'll just give birth to a child! 'Cause I know that's painless and raising it should be a snap!'
Eugene Mirman
The truth is, for however much my stories come out of things that have happened to me, they're not darkly or as deeply personal as someone like Marc Maron or a lot of comedians, but they are essentially my life and my interpretation of it.
Eugene Mirman
You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.
Eugene Mirman
Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?
Eugene Mirman
What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.
Eugene Mirman
Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
Eugene Mirman
God is a twelve year old boy with Asperger's.
Eugene Mirman
I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
Eugene Mirman
You just can't make up random information and say it sarcastically and have it make sense. You can't just be like, 'I went out on a date with a Jewish girl. She was more rude than a wolfcat - an animal I've made up and decided is rude.
Eugene Mirman
A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.
Eugene Mirman
