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What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

Eugene Mirman

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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
People
Underwear
Crying
Cry
Truly
Imagine
Also
Think
Thinking
Relaxing

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I don't know what it would be like to actually play guitar. I've toured with a lot of comedians and it's never been like it is for a rock band.
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If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.
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Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
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To create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.
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One of the best things I found out about Detroit is that bears have started returning to the city. When bears are gentrifying your neighborhood and opening Thai restaurants, that's a poor neighborhood.
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You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?
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I don't emphasize the whatevs. I say it as if it's truly a toss-away word.
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On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.
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If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is - he's the reason you all live underground.
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People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with a flute making no sense. And it's very easy to be like, yeah, that's not really comedy.
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I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.
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The only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.
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I like the idea of being sort of withdrawn and mysterious, and what can be more mysterious that someone wearing a trash bag, like a dark trash bag, with eye holes that say nihilism? You'd be curious. What's underneath that? Is it perfect? Or is it broken?
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Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?
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You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.
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You just can't make up random information and say it sarcastically and have it make sense. You can't just be like, 'I went out on a date with a Jewish girl. She was more rude than a wolfcat - an animal I've made up and decided is rude.
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Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.
Eugene Mirman
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Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.
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Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.
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What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.
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