Quote

Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.

Eugene Mirman

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Eugene Mirman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: July 24
Actor
Comedian
Director
Dub Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Director
Voice Actor
Moscow
Russian SFSR
Feels
Sex
Great
Meet
Either
Sports
Guy
Whichever
Place
Wrestling
Also
Bars
Right
Guys

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School, in general, was not great. Children are just mean to each other... but by high school, I probably stopped being annoying to people, and people stopped being mean. By the end of it, it was wonderful.
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The good thing about being stuck at the airport for an extra hour, is that it gives you a chance to give weary travelers surprise massages.
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In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.
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If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.
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I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.
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Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.
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Don't throw a baby at anything - even a burglar.
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You wanna know what a gateway drug is? It opens a gate.
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Everyone knows that Jews control the media and banks and stuff. But did you know that when you go to a carnival and you have to be a certain height to go on a ride, Jews control that height? It has nothing to do with safety. It's just us flexing our Semitic muscles.
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Try not to wake up on fire.
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What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.
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I believe in diversification of income, because you never know what will happen. I'm a slightly paranoid person who thinks things could be ruined at any time.
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I saw this huge billboard that said: 'Abortion Hurts' and then it had a drawing of a butterfly. Who is that for? Is there a lady who's going to see that and be like, 'Oh, I was going to get an abortion but now that I realize it hurts I guess I'll just give birth to a child! 'Cause I know that's painless and raising it should be a snap!'
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A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.
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Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.
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I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.
Eugene Mirman
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People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with a flute making no sense. And it's very easy to be like, yeah, that's not really comedy.
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On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.
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I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.
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You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?
Eugene Mirman