The mortician interviewing the corpses

The polls show that 10 percent of the public are ready to vote for me even though they don't know I'm running. We hope that figure won't drop when they learn I'm in the race.

One thing about a pig, he thinks he's warm if his nose is warm. I saw a bunch of pigs one time that had frozen together in a rosette, each one's nose tucked under the rump of the one in front. We have a lot of pigs in politics.

There is danger in the concentration of control in the television and radio networks, especially in the large television and radio stations danger in the concentration of ownership in the press...and danger in the increasing concentration of selection by book publishers and reviewers and by the producers of radio and television programs.

The only thing that saves us from bureaucracy is its inefficiency.

This is, I say, the time for all good men not to go to the aid of their party, but to come to the aid of their country.

As long as the differences and diversities of mankind exist, democracy must allow for compromise, for accommodation, and for the recognition of differences.

Have you ever tried to split sawdust?

If you're in the penaut business you learn to think small.

Saying we should keep the two-party system simply because it is working is like saying the Titanic voyage was a success because a few people survived on life-rafts.

I would not want to put him in charge of snake control in Ireland.

Whatever is morally necessary must be made politically possible.

The function of liberal Republicans is to shoot the wounded after battle.

It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember.

Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.

In politics one may remain aloof and become irrelevant or get involved and get corrupted.

Remember that the worst accidents occur in the middle of the road.