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Trouble looms when monogamy is no longer a free expression of loyalty but a form of enforced compliance.

Esther Perel

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Esther Perel
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 1
Author
Psychotherapist
Antwerpen
Longer
Trouble
Free
Looms
Form
Monogamy
Compliance
Enforced
Loyalty
Expression

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Today, monogamy is one person at a time.
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A peer relationship is one where the partners experience an affectionate, companionate coupledom. They are friends. They are the product of the egalitarian model they are good life partners, but are often less sexual.
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Love is at once an affirmation and a transcendence of who we are.
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Success, to me, is helping one person or many people counter the isolation and pseudoconnectivity of our lives by boosting their ability to connect to themselves and to others.
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In committed sex, in marriage, people don't feel the need to seduce or to build anticipation - - that's an effort they think they no longer need to do now that they have conquered their partner. If they're in the mood, their partner should be too.
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Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not liking the one you are with you are not liking the person you have become.
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Women want to talk first, connect first, then have sex. For men, sex is the connection. Sex is man's language of intimacy
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Sex is about where you can take me, not what you can do to me.
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Today, our sexuality is an open-ended personal project it is part of who we are, an identity, and no longer merely something we do.
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In my community there were two groups of people, There were the ones who did not die and the ones who came back to life.
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Romantics value intensity over stability. Realists value security over passion. But both are often disappointed, for few people can live happily at either extreme.
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It's our imagination that's responsible for love, not the other person.
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Are you asking a question because you want to know the answer or are you asking the question because you want your partner to know that you are having this question?
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Affairs can be powerful detonators. They can invigorate a marriage that's flat, jolt people out of years of complacency. Fear of loss rekindles desire, makes people have conversations they haven't had in years, takes them out of their contrived illusion of safety.
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Love enjoys knowing everything about you desire needs mystery.
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Most affairs do die a natural death. Today, you look at your partner's phone to find out the weather, and you find out about a lover. It has never been as easy to cheat as it is today, and it has never been harder to keep a secret.
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To look at infidelity from the point of view of sex is a complete narrowing of the phenomenon. There's a reason that the commandment is repeated twice in the Bible - once for doing it and once for thinking about it. We have always created structures and broken structures. It is essential to the human spirit.
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Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.
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Most of us will get turned on at night by the very same things that we will demonstrate against during the day - the erotic mind is not very politically correct.
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