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A peer relationship is one where the partners experience an affectionate, companionate coupledom. They are friends. They are the product of the egalitarian model they are good life partners, but are often less sexual.

Esther Perel

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Esther Perel
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 1
Author
Psychotherapist
Antwerpen
Life
Models
Egalitarian
Products
Peer
Relationship
Affectionate
Friends
Peers
Less
Sexual
Often
Partners
Experience
Model
Good
Product

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Love is at once an affirmation and a transcendence of who we are.
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Trouble looms when monogamy is no longer a free expression of loyalty but a form of enforced compliance.
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Today, our sexuality is an open-ended personal project it is part of who we are, an identity, and no longer merely something we do.
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We know desire is rooted in absence and yearning. What you don't have is often ten times richer than what you actually experience. An affair is a perfect erotic plot because it fits the erotic equation of psychotherapist Jack Morin: Attraction plus obstacle equals excitement..
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When we seek the gaze of another, it isn't always our partner we're turning away from, but the person we have ourselves become.
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Love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure, and commitment offers one of the great luxuries of life: time. Marriage is not the end of romance, it is the beginning.
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Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not liking the one you are with you are not liking the person you have become.
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The secret to desire in a long-term relationship
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Women want to talk first, connect first, then have sex. For men, sex is the connection. Sex is man's language of intimacy
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Sex is about where you can take me, not what you can do to me.
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Affairs can be powerful detonators. They can invigorate a marriage that's flat, jolt people out of years of complacency. Fear of loss rekindles desire, makes people have conversations they haven't had in years, takes them out of their contrived illusion of safety.
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If you start to feel that you have given up too many parts of yourself to be with your partner, then one day you will end up looking for another person in order to reconnect with those lost parts.
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Are you asking a question because you want to know the answer or are you asking the question because you want your partner to know that you are having this question?
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To look at infidelity from the point of view of sex is a complete narrowing of the phenomenon. There's a reason that the commandment is repeated twice in the Bible - once for doing it and once for thinking about it. We have always created structures and broken structures. It is essential to the human spirit.
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There is no neediness in desire ... there is no caretaking in desire. Caretaking is mightily loving, [but] it's a powerful anti-aphrodisiac.
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In committed sex, in marriage, people don't feel the need to seduce or to build anticipation - - that's an effort they think they no longer need to do now that they have conquered their partner. If they're in the mood, their partner should be too.
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We used to moralize today we normalize, and performance anxiety is the secular version of our old religious guilt.
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In desire, there must be some small amount of tension. And that tension comes with the unknown, the unpredictable. You can close yourself off at home and say, Whew, at last I'm in a place where I don't have to worry, or you can keep yourself open to the mystery and elusiveness of your partner.
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In dating, if you say no, your lover goes on to the next person. In marriage, if you say no, the person stays.
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Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.
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