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Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.

Erma Bombeck

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Erma Bombeck
Age: 69 †
Born: 1927
Born: February 21
Died: 1996
Died: April 22
Column Author
Journalist
Writer
Bellbrook
Ohio
Erma Louise Bombeck
Anyone
Given
Never
Loan
Car
Birth

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Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
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I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.
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All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.
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The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, Could I get you your check? and we answered, How about the menu first?
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
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It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.
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Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.
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In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.
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No One Diets on Thanksgiving.
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck
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You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.
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Bombeck's Rug Rule: an ugly carpet will last for ever.
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I lost everything in the post-natal depression.
Erma Bombeck
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Enter my first neighbor - a woman who spoke in complete, coherent sentences, who ate with a knife and fork and who only cried at weddings. I couldn't help myself. In a dramatic gesture, I bolted the door and threw my body across it to prevent her exit. She understood.
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